Howls

On return from a golf junket to Australia, our fearless golf traveller falls victim to his worst nightmare — the flight is downed by lightning in a heavy storm at sea.  After struggling to hold on as the storm rages through the night, Tom is eventually washed ashore on a deserted tropical island.  A paradise under any other conditions, it has become a trap.

After 3 gruelling years, learning to survive with only his three companions — Nike 2 and his twins — Tom has come to grips with the fact that rescue is not in his future.  Until one night as he watches the gorgeous sunset he realizes that a shape is emerging from the surf.  A distinctly human shape.

“What is that?” he asks Nike 2.  Shaking his head to clear the cobwebs he finds that this is not a mirage.  There is indeed a person climbing out of the surf towards him.  As they approach it becomes clear that it is a woman.  Tom sits in stunned silence as Jessica Simpson walks towards his campfire dressed only in a skin tight wetsuit.

“Hello,” she says, shaking her wondrously gorgeous hair.  “I saw your fire and figured I’d drop in for a visit.  I hope you don’t mind.”

“Have a seat,” croaks Tom.  He is beginning to realize that he must look quite frightful but Jessica doesn’t seem to mind.

“Thanks,” she replies as she sits down next to him.  “It seems like you’ve been here a long time.”

“About 3 years I reckon.”

“Then I guess it’s been a while since you’ve had a great steak dinner,” she says.  Reaching up on her left shoulder, she unzips a pocket that Tom hadn’t noticed before and pulls out a 16oz rib-eye steak with all the trimmings.  “Enjoy,” she says as she hands it to him.

After watching him wolf down the dinner she speaks again.  “I imagine you haven’t been able to keep up with the news these past 3 years.”  Opening a zipper on her right shoulder, she pulls out a newspaper that has somehow gathered all the major news stories for the past 3 years.

“Thanks!” cries Tom as he scans the paper to catch up on all the news.

Finally he is done reading the paper and they just sit for a while, watching the surf and the flames.  Suddenly Jessica smiles sweetly and says “How long has it been since you’ve played around?”  Slowly she begins to unzip the zipper down the middle of her wetsuit.

“Hot damn, Nike!” Tom says to his long time companion,  “She’s got golf clubs in there!”

• A Trip to St. Andrew’s
• Golf with Jessica
• Just Keep Swinging

Don’t forget about Cookie Crumbles for general LoneWolf humour.