Howls

Dave Lair is the Orlando Golf Blogger

I’ve been working behind the scenes the past few weeks and haven’t had the time I would like to put up new posts on Howls.  Thankfully, my friend Dave Lair, the Orlando Golf Blogger has put up some amazing golf humour this week, so I’m just going to ride on his coattails 8=)

First on the list is You Might Be a Golfer… See which items on this list you match up with.  Make sure you add your ideas in the comments!  The list keeps on growing.

Second is a selection of posts that Dave’s wife might not approve of 8=)  Did You Know This About Leather Dresses? explains why men get so excited when the ladies wear leather (nothing to do with English Leather).  Then there is a Couple of Woman Golf Jokes that is sure to get a chuckle.

Thanks to Dave for giving me a lazy way out this week!  Stay tuned for more in the Two Feet at a Time series.  We’ll be looking at some more winter activities even though the snow has finally melted for a few months.

After an embarrassing debacle on the first tee, LoneWolf’s game has started to warm up.  With the sun a little higher in the sky, the chill in the air is gone as well.

Now the 4 intrepid golfers are walking down the fairway of the 310 yard 4th to find their balls.  All 4 have found the fairway for a change and things are looking up.  Looking up, that is, until LoneWolf finds his ball plugged in a small anthill.

“Is this ground under repair?” he asks.  Three heads shaking confirm what he already knows — play it as it lays.

The rub of the green is not LoneWolf’s best friend right now, but he carefully chooses a club.  “I think it’s about a 9 iron,” he mutters as he addresses the ball.

Something goes seriously wrong in the middle of his backswing.  As his club approaches the ball it is like approaching infinity — you might get close but you’ll never reach it.  A huge divot is removed from the anthill.  Dead and wounded ants are scattered down the fairway.  The ball remains exactly where it was.

Dayfe looks like he’s about to pee his pants as he tries (unsuccessfully) to hide his laughter.  Brain and Mootoe don’t bother.  The foursome on the tee behind them turn to see what all the noise is about.

LoneWolf resets his stance and swings again.  This time, rather than swinging inside the ball, he manages to miss completely on the other side.  Another huge chunk of anthill.  Another dozen dead ants.  Brain is rolling on the ground in fits of uncontrollable laughter.  Mootoe has dropped his 9 iron and is doubled over with laughter.

Dayfe just smiles and quietly says, “If the rest of the ants want to live, they better get on the ball.”

If you liked this check out more LoneWolf golf humour:

• A Trip to St. Andrew’s
• Castaway — The Golf Edition
• Golf with Jessica

Don’t forget about Cookie Crumbles for general LoneWolf humour.

Grip It and Rip It!

He’s baaaaack!  That’s right.  John Daly — The Lion– is back.

John is fresh off of his suspension and getting back into the world of professional golf.  According to a message to his fans he has lost almost 5o lbs and has done some tuning of his putting and the big swing with Rick Smith in Florida.  He is positive and enjoying the support of his fans (of which LoneWolf is one 8=)

I know that JD has had a rather wild lifestyle in the past.  I don’t know if he has changed.  As I’ve written before, I hope that he has, but even if he hasn’t I’m looking forward to him doing well on the tours.  We need people like John who love golf and love people.

What is great is that JD has embraced social media to keep in touch with his fans.  He is now on Twitter and Facebook.  The nice thing is that he is using this to connect with the people who support him — his fans.

I’ve connected with him on Twitter and so far he seems to be using it like a seasoned Twitter pro!  He’s not spamming and he connects with people.  He even followed me back (probably an auto-follow but it shows he’s interested in his fans)  Keep up the great work John!

I’ve also seen him leaving comments on golf blogs.  John really understands the power of connecting with people with the new tools available to us all.

While researching JD’s Facebook page I’ve discovered that Birthday Wishes are in order.  Happy Birthday John.  Who wants to help me give him the bumps?

You Da Man!

Standing at the back of the tee box, you gaze down the fairway and pick your landing spot.  You visualize each aspect of your swing and follow the path the ball will take in your mind.  Mentally, you see the ball landing gently 230 yards down the fairway, rolling another 30 before coming to a gentle stop.  With this image in your mind you address the ball.  Nice waggle as you fix the target in your mind.  The club swings back into the perfect back swing, pausing ever so briefly at the top.  The club comes back to the ball in perfect alignment.  You can feel it.  You can hear it.  Perfect follow through with your trailing foot perfectly turned up on its toe.  This shot feels so good that you just have to hold the position — savor the moment.  The ball lands exactly as you’ve envisioned and you are so focused that you can barely hear your buddies shouting “You da man!”

We’ve all had shots like that.  Well, maybe not quite 230 yards of carry, but the perfect shot has stung each one of us and we hunger and thirst for that to come back again.  We all know the expression — Drive for show and putt for dough.  But, oh it feels so right when you crush one off the tee (even though you’ll probably still bogey the hole 8=)

The Beauty and The Beast

That feeling can come from many different activities.  There is that rush of adrenaline from the raw power.  There is the satisfaction of watching something that you’ve set into motion unfolding before your eyes.  Something that, once started, cannot be stopped or altered — only hope remains.  There is a combination of finesse (The Beauty) and power (The Beast).  Other sports have their equivalents — the hail-mary pass into the receiver’s waiting arms, the buzzer beater from your own side of half court, the seeing eye one-timer from the blue line that lights the goal light.

TIMBER!

About 9 years ago I discovered that there is another activity that can give that same feeling.  I discovered that there is a reason why lumberjacks yell “TIMBER!”  It isn’t just a warning, it is a victory cry.

When I was a teenager, a friend of ours came to help us clear out a tree in the yard that needed to come down for some reason.  I don’t remember the reason, but I do remember the impressions of power and skill as I watched him expertly steer the tree to the ground exactly where he planned it to land.  Although I never touched a chainsaw for the next 25 years, I remembered that moment as well as the tips he gave me.  It was etched in my mind forever.

A chainsaw is all about power.  The saw that I currently use is a mid sized saw with a relatively short bar.  This gives me a good compromise between power and maneuverability with the saw.  I used to use a saw with a bigger bar, but it actually had less power and it made cutting much more difficult.  As with all things in life, there is lots to learn.

There is a lot of danger with a chainsaw as well.  There are many safety features on modern saws, but they are probably one of the most dangerous and destructive hand held devices short of projectile weapons and explosives.

There is a tremendous amount of power in a falling tree as well.  When a tree, even one that is a mid-sized tree, falls to the ground unhindered there are repercussions for anything that gets in its way.  The ground shakes and there is an ear-splitting thump.

So, it goes without saying that successfully cutting down a tree and having it land where you want it to go without crushing you or small cars is a very satisfying experience.  It is the lumberjack’s equivalent of striping one down the middle.

Spring and Summer Workout

So, cutting trees has become part of my fitness workout.  In the course of a year I will usually try to cut about 60 to 80 trees to make enough firewood for the winter.  Even with the help of the powerful saw, this is a very labour intensive process.  The process requires carrying the saw and other equipment through the rough bush to get into position.  Running the saw is something that requires both brute strength and fine motor control at the same time.

Plus, what other activities will let you wear bright orange chaps and still look manly!

Phase 1 — Felling, Limbing, Bucking and Skidding

Starting in the early spring I begin to cut the trees for next winter’s wood supply.  I try to get in 2 hours of cutting each day on the weekend and sometimes a couple days during the week.  It depends upon how well the weather is co-operating and how tired I am.  I don’t like to be cutting in the bush when it is raining.  It gets too slippery under foot.

Let the sawdust fly!

This stage of cutting involves felling the trees, limbing them (cutting off the branches) and bucking them (cutting them into logs).  A medium sized tree will take about 30 to 45 minutes.

The logs are then skidded (dragged) by ATV or transported in the pickup to the cutting station.  Skidding is much easier since the logs do not need to be lifted as much, but transporting them in the pickup doesn’t chew up the ground as much (which is important if the logs need to come across the yard).  It also gets less mud on the logs which saves the chainsaw later on.

In all, it takes about 3 hours to get a cord’s worth of logs to the cutting station.  That means I’ve got about 45 hours of work each spring to get the 15 cords I need.

Phase 2 — Cutting, Splitting and Stacking

By the early summer it is time to cut the logs into stove lengths, split them and stack them to dry.  I have set up a special cutting station that helps make this a little easier and involves less bending.  But there is still a lot of lifting and moving wood around.

Splitting the wood is done using a splitting maul.  This is a cross between a sledge hammer and an axe.  It uses the width of the wedge together with the momentum to split the wood rather than the sharpness of the edge as an axe does.  This activity works a whole new set of muscles.

Once again, I like to work 2 to 3 hours at this about 3 or 4 days a week until it is done.  These activities can be done even in a light rain.  In fact, rain is preferable to sunny conditions just to keep from getting too hot or sun burned.

One exception is the years where I get behind.  In these cases we will rent a power splitter.  This machine is a marvel and can split even the thickest, knottiest log in about 5 seconds.  It uses a hydraulic ram to force a splitting wedge through the log.  It takes at least 2 people to run this machine efficiently although 3 is best.  We take turns with one person running the machine, 1 loading logs in and one taking the finished pieces away.

Since the machine is rented by the day and my helpers usually come just for a weekend, we run this operation for 8 to 12 hours in a single day.

Each cord of firewood will take about 4 hours to go through the cutting, splitting and stacking process which gives me another 60 hours of work.

Phase 3 — Seasoning

Once the wood is stacked I get to spend more time golfing (I wish 8=).  The rest of the process is dependant upon the sun and wind.  The wood will dry as the elements wick moisture out of the wood.  A sunny day with lots of wind is great for this, which is why I aim to have everything stacked by early August.  Maybe this year will be the one where I actually get it done!

During this time I can either take a break from working with the wood or get a head start on the felling for next year until it is time to begin the Fall and Winter routine.

Then, during the winter while the snow piles up outside and the wind howls, I can sit by the fire and keep my family warm — literally by the sweat of my brow.  It’s a sweet feeling.

During this past few days I have taken advantage of some time to do some much needed tweaks to the theme of this blog.  I’ve been finding that the header images, while quite beautiful, have taken too much vertical space on the blog, especially for those with a 1024x768 or smaller screen resolution.

So, I’ve reduced the size of the header images by 33% which left a space horizontally.  To fill this space I’ve created a logo image.  A ball in the rough is appropriate for my game 8=)

I’ve also made the sidebar a little more compact by removing some excessive padding.  I hope that you find it is a better and more functional look for the site.

I have tested the theme under Firefox, IE 7, Safari and Chrome, all under Windows.  If you experience anything weird in another browser, please let me know.

I’m still working on Part II of the Wood Master post, so it will be coming this week.

Shalom
LoneWolf

Dave Lair is the Orlando Golf Blogger

My good buddy Dave over at the Orlando Golf Blog has posted some Funny Golf Stories that you should check out.  Make sure you stick around and check out his progress on the lessons he’s taking while you’re there.  He’s got some good short game tips that he’s learning and working through.

Dave’s a pretty decent guy if you can get past his being a left handed golfer 8=)

Remember, if you like golf humour you can check out the Howls Golf Humour posts.  You can also check out Cookie Crumbles for humour from LoneWolf!

Introduction

Turn up your imagination — the wind is howling outside, you cannot see the front porch due to snow, the temperature has dropped to -20°C and the power has gone out.  Electric heat is out of the question and most forced air systems will not function without power either. Besides shivering in the dark, what is a home owner to do?

Luckily, our family has a solution to this problem — and we’ve needed it more than once in the past decade.  We do not use a forced air system and we only use electric heat as a backup system.  Instead, we heat our home with a high efficiency wood stove.

And This Relates to Golf How?

I can hear what you’re thinking:  “What does this have to do with golf?”  The simple answer to that question is fitness.  In the rest of this Two Feet at a Time series I have discussed activities that are part of my fitness regimen and wood heat falls into this category.  In fact, the use of a wood stove in our home has enough fitness issues surrounding it that I have decided to split this into 2 posts.

While this post is part 1, it will deal with the second phase of the wood burning process and its relation to my physical fitness plans — fall and winter activities.

When we moved to the Muskoka region almost 10 years ago I was not in the best physical shape of my life.  While I still have a long way to go, our decision to use wood heat has been a perfect activity to help me achieve my fitness goals, both for golf and general quality of life.

Fall Activities

During a typical winter we will burn between 12 and 15 face cords of firewood.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with the terminology, a face cord is 4 ft high and 8 ft long.  The width varies depending on how the individual pieces are cut, but 16″ is standard.  We like to use 18″ due to the size of our wood stove.

So, when the firewood is stacked in a 4′ high pile our winter supply will range from 96 to 120 feet long.

Our wood sits out in the back 40 for the summer and early fall so that it can dry enough to burn cleanly.  Before the snow comes, it is necessary to bring it in to a place where it is easy to get at.  About the middle of October — if I’ve been on top of things — the wood starts to come in.  However, this phase is only part of the way in.  There isn’t room for all the wood to come in at once.  We stack just under half of the supply in our garage.  A full 6 face cords takes up a 12′ x 8′ section along the wall in two rows (3 cords per row).  The rest of the wood is stacked in our barn (which is what we call the workshop behind the house).

I bring the wood from the back using my pickup which can hold about 1 face cord of wood at at time.  This process involves loading the wood into the back of the truck (I’ll tell you right now that I prefer to work on the top half of the pile — the bottom half is harder on my poor, old back 8=).  Then the truck is backed up to the big door of the garage or barn.  Finally, the wood is removed from the truck and neatly stacked into piles.

The entire process for a cord of wood takes me about 1/2 to 3/4 of an hour when I’m working on my own.  With help it goes quicker but there are fewer helpers now that my nephews are all getting old enough for girlfriends and other distractions.  This leaves more fun for me 8=)

I will typically do between 2 and 4 loads in a day for 2 or 3 days in a week.  At this pace I’m usually done by the end of November.  It is a good workout with a lot of twisting, bending, lifting and walking.  It improves my flexibility and strength while providing a pretty good cardiovascular workout as well.

Winter Activities

During the winter the fun doesn’t stop.  While the intense workout of bringing a cord of wood inside for storage is over, the lesser workouts of bringing wood to the stove begins.  Our stove is in the basement which means that the wood needs to be brought in through the house and down 1/2 a flight of stairs.

During the shoulder seasons we typically burn once a day and that will increase to about 3 times a day in the dead of winter (which is almost a continuous burn).  A load of wood in the stove is typically 6 to 8 pieces, depending on the size of the piece.  After a couple of years carrying wood in my arms, I discovered the wood sling which can carry enough for a stove load at one time [see the photo at the top of the post].

While this does not match the duration of the full cord press described above, there is still a good bit of cardio as well as strength training involved.  With a wood rack installed in the basement, I will sometimes bring in 3 or 4 days worth of wood in one session.  Other times I will just bring in a single days worth or even just one load.

The Rest

This is only the beginning of the physical activities involved in wood heating.  Part II of this post will detail the activities for spring and summer.

Other Benefits of Wood Heat

Heating with wood is not for everyone.  There is a lot of work involved and temperature control is often a problem.  It is also fairly dirty with wood chips, bark and ashes making life miserable.  It can be difficult to start a fire when the stove is cold.  And sometimes I just don’t want to carry the wood.

Despite all of this, there are many other benefits to using wood for heat, at least in a rural setting like ours.

• The situation described in the Introduction above is real.  We will typically have 4 to 6 extended power outages each winter.  They will last anywhere from 12 hours to 3 days.  With the wood stove and a generator to run the fridge and a few lights (and the TV 8=) we can weather just about any storm.
• Heating with wood is an economical alternative, especially when we harvest the wood from our own land.  With good forest management this property will supply us with more wood than we could ever use.  The major costs involve time, sweat and equipment maintenance for the chainsaw and ATV (for hauling).
• It is an environmentally friendly way to heat.  I know that the smoke is often seen as pollution (and it is) but with an energy efficient stove the pollution level is reasonable and when you factor in the transportation of the fuel it is pretty darn good.  I don’t have to drill miles underground or truck my wood from half way around the world.  As well, unlike fossil fuel, the CO2 released by burning firewood is not a contributing factor to global warming since it would be released as the tree rotted in the forest anyway.  [We do plan to implement solar heating techniques in the future so that we can reduce the pollution levels even more.]
• A wood fire is very pleasing to watch.  We don’t spend a lot of time gathered around the wood stove, but it is nice to sit around and watch the dancing flames once in a while.  My wife’s desk as well as the craft/work area for the kids are in the same room so they get the benefits of it on a regular basis.
• Finally, I have an opportunity to spend hours out doors in a beautiful forest.  I love to be out there in every season (the mosquitoes and blackflies can make the spring tough though).  While it isn’t quite the same as being out on the links, there is a lot to be said for just spending some time in the woods when you aren’t searching for a golf ball 8=)

As long as I’m physically able to do so, we will be meeting the heating needs of our home primarily with wood.  It just makes sense.

[See Part II which deals with the Spring and Summer activities revolving around wood heating.]

Supermodel?

Now that February has passed and the competition has had their turn in the spotlight, I can safely bring the Howls Swimsuit Edition to the press. Unfortunately, all the supermodels were unwilling to travel to this frozen wasteland so I’m stuck with myself as the model for the pictures.

History

Imagine if you will — a young boy and his family move into a small house.  He has just passed his 5th birthday.  The house is tiny, but comfortable.  But there is something in the back yard that will shape a large part of this young boy’s future.  In the back yard is a lake.

One of the activities that I use to keep active and improve my fitness level for golf is swimming. While I don’t get out to the pool on a regular basis I make the most of every opportunity that comes my way to make waves.

When my parents moved to the house on the lake, I began to spend hours per day in the water every summer.  During the months from June to September I was a fish.  Although we moved twice between this time and the time that I left home for college, the new houses were just a little further down the street and the lake was still there and I continued to swim.

Now that I’m full grown and no longer live close to a lake (or pool for that matter) I find it more difficult to spend time swimming.  I was spoiled growing up as whenever I wanted to swim I would just suit up and run out the back door.  Now, it involves getting in the truck and driving for 5 or 10 minutes (I know — poor me 8=).  There is also the side issue of my children who want to come too.  It makes it more work to get wet but it is a still a pleasure to splash and play in the water.  Still, I miss the spontaneity of my childhood.

Benefits

Swimming has many fitness benefits that make it a valuable activity in my arsenal of golf preparation.

• It is low impact.  Given my size (which I’ll simply state as too big for now 8=) the low impact nature of swimming is a great feature.  It allows me to keep the stress on my joints to a minimum.
• It is high resistance.  Moving through the water is much harder than moving through the air.  This works my muscles harder than the same movements would out of the water.  This gives added strength benefits.
• It is aerobic.  Swimming really works the heart and lungs.  It helps me to keep my ticker ticking.  It also forces you to breathe differently — deep, rhythmic breathing is important.
• It is relaxing.  Even though I’m getting a work out, I’m also relaxing.  I like to spend part of my swimming time just floating on my back, watching the clouds (or ceiling in some cases 8=) float by.
• It is fun.  When I enjoy an activity I’m far more likely to take the time to do it and gain the fitness benefits of it.

Routine

Away we go!

I don’t have a routine when I swim.  I rarely swim laps — that is hard to do in a lake which is where I like to do most of my swimming (weather permitting).  It is also hard to do with the kids.

So, when I swim I don’t have a routine.  I just play.  My daughter (who is 10) is learning to dive and swim under water so we do a lot of that.  We also like to play catch.  I’ve been teaching her how to do summersaults and rolls as well.  She’s also become confident enough in the water to enjoy water slides and wave pools.  We had a trip to Ottawa recently and our hotel had a nice slide and wave pool [sorry for the scary picture 8=]

With my son (who is 4) we’re just getting to the point where he is comfortable in the water.  He’s getting used to putting his face in the water, but he still swims with a life jacket on.  He is slowly learning not to yell, “I’m swimming!” all the time.  With him I’m usually not working too hard as I’m just walking or floating along beside him.

The important things for me with swimming is just to be active and have fun.  The fitness aspects of it are a side benefit.  That’s what makes it such a great tool in my fitness plan — it isn’t work!

Stay tuned for more in the Two Feet at a Time series.

Still Standing

It’s a chilly October morning, the sun peaking over the trees to the east and trying — in vain so far — to warm the four golfers standing on the first tee.  It’s their first time playing the Mark O’Meara course at Grandview.  Mootoe has just popped a short, but thankfully straight, drive down the middle of the fairway.

“At least you aren’t the Shankopotomous today,” comments Brain.  LoneWolf and Dayfe chuckle quietly to themselves.   They have yet to tee off so they aren’t so cocky.

“Well,” LoneWolf says with a sigh.  “Let’s get this train wreck started!”  Teeing the ball without splitting his pants is a good start.  He gets the waggle going and lines things up.  Nice, smooth practice swing.  Now he steps up to the ball.

The takeaway is smooth and textbook in its execution.  LoneWolf makes a wonderful swing that Byron would have to admire — excellent form, perfect finish — yet the ball still sits mockingly on the tee.

“Ya got all a that one!” Mootoe exclaims.

Dayfe is hiding his laughter behind a relatively clean golf towel, but Brain is howling and slapping his knee.  “You da man!”

“Now, if only I could make my real swing that good,” LoneWolf mutters, trying to cover himself.  The guys don’t buy it for a minute.

Once again, he steps up to address the ball.  Smooth takeaway, great transition, a dream swing.  The ball continues to stare back up at the LoneWolf.  “You missed,” it seems to say over the unbridled laughter of LoneWolf’s playing partners.

“Okay, guys!”  LoneWolf repeats the process once more and once again, the ball is zero yards down the fairway.

At this point LoneWolf turns to the guys with a big smile.  “Wow!” he says.  “This sure is a tough course.”

[Original photo by woodsy on stock.xchg -- modifications by LoneWolf]

If you liked this check out more LoneWolf golf humour:

• A Trip to St. Andrew’s
• Castaway — The Golf Edition
• Golf with Jessica

Don’t forget about Cookie Crumbles for general LoneWolf humour.

One of the new header images in action

I’ve been procrastinating writing another post by fiddling with the Howls theme for a bit 8=) Seriously, I’ve been wanting to widen the theme for a long time now, but had to redo all the header images to handle the extra 200 pixels. I kept putting it off until last night and just got down to it.

I also added a credit for each of the photos that show up in the header (as well as a link to the photo source where possible) and 2 new photos as well.

I’ve monkeyed with the sidebar and made the links within posts show up a little better. Now, I’ve got to actually get out and write my Two Feet at a Time — Swimsuit Edition post.  Maybe I should update my plug-ins first …

Let me know what you think!

[More procrastinating ... but 3 new header photos 8=]